Objectifying woman

I was going to do a very insightful and well-worded piece about the British Prime Minister’s race. It was going to be full of comparisons to US politics and jokes at the Brit’s expense (hung parliament, hehe). But, let’s face it…who really gives a rat’s ass about what is going on in British politics. As long as they are still our bitches and the “special relationship” continues, then why worry or discuss it at all. Frankly, no one has really been talking about it, except to mention how short their election season is and how convoluted their process is if no one gets a majority (like they did this election). Regardless, the farce of politics in Britain is over and they have a new PM, so no one will have anything else to say about it till he actually does something with his office (and if you know British PM’s, they don’t use their office much). Instead of a dry boring post about British politics, I decided to focus on something more important…THE LADIES!

The world of the internet has brought two very important events concerning woman to my laptop – sultry photos of the Miss USA contestants and this year’s Maxim Hot 100. We’ll start with Miss USA. I don’t follow the pageant world in any shape or form, but when the big ones roll around like Miss USA and Miss America I will TiVo them and pick the best parts to watch (swimsuit competition anyone?). I like to compare my ratings with the ratings the judges give to test if my judgment of beauty meets pageant standards…more often than not, it doesn’t. But, I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and though I may find someone extremely attractive, there are definitely others who don’t. No matter how you slice it, though, all these contestants do fit into a mold, a range, a demographic that would be considered “beautiful”…otherwise, what the hell are they doing in a pageant to begin with? Going along that line of thinking, you would expect these beautiful women to do whatever it takes to win the competition. That means when the pageant says, “Let’s do some ‘racy’ photos of the contestants to spice things up,” then the girls are going to go along with it. And they did.

The Miss USA contest is under fire for posting racy lingerie photos of its current crop of contestants. In a bedroom-inspired, black-and-white shoot, the 51 models lounge about in open button-downs and suggestive under-things. Miss South Carolina, Rachel Law, poses in a white corset top, while Bethany Gerber as Miss Kansas wears nothing but a men's dress shirt barely held in place. The sexy pics are displayed on the Miss USA website's contestant’s page, which is meant to introduce this year's hopefuls. It's a pretty big departure from the traditional method of introducing beauty pageant contenders (though I think now that all introductions should start with a picture of you in your underwear). Pageant officials have been fielding angry phone calls from people upset with the “overly seductive” nature of the new photos. But the folks behind the show see nothing wrong with a little bedroom-wear in the name of art. Lark-Marie Anton, VP of marketing and PR for Miss Universe (with a name like that, what else are you going to do), called the photos "tasteful," explaining, "Each contestant felt beautiful, sexy, and relevant. We are in the business of beauty, and the contestants who compete for the title of Miss USA are not afraid to be sexy." Though I am a pretty conservative man, I am also a man, and seeing women in any level of undress is fine with me, but this goes further than that. I have to agree with the Miss Universe organization and their defense of these photos. You can really see, in some of the contestants’ faces and body language, that these women were empowered by this shoot. Most of them do not get to do photo shoots like this in protection of their reputation. Letting them have this ability to take charge of themselves, their bodies, and their raw sexuality (or lack of it, if you check some of the photos, they look downright scared to be in the situation they are in) is a gift to them and speaks highly of what the pageant is trying to do for women across the globe. So often we ridicule beautiful women because we don’t believe that they have anything to offer but something pretty to look at. Most of these girls are aspiring or successful in their careers, they are well spoken and intelligent, and, yes, they do look good in just about anything. That isn’t always the case, but it is a common case in the pageant world. So why are we freaking out about this? Let them do what they want…it is a pageant for crying out loud and has little bearing on real life. Besides, just imagine what more liberal countries like France, Japan, and Brazil do with their contestant photographs…need I say more.

That was just fluff to make this post a little longer, but now we are going to get to the more important issue. Maxim Magazine’s “Hot 100” has been released. The annual "Hot 100" list came out on Monday being billed by Maxim as "The definitive list of the world's most beautiful women." The annual contest is a fierce competition between actresses, models, singers, reality-TV stars, and even the girlfriends of celebrities covering the A-list to the D-list. Now, I don’t agree it is a definitive list because it doesn’t include the “girl next door” or “the secretary from my office” who often times garners more “hot” appeal than celebs due to them being in your sphere of influence. I do agree that it contains the hottest of the “it” crowd, though I often disagree with their ranking. For instance, this year pop singer Katy Perry beat out the likes of Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker and “Avatar” star Zoe Saldana for the number one spot on the list. Calling this Perry's "supernova moment," in the Hot 100 issue of the magazine, Maxim's Editor-in-Chief Joe Levy explained Perry's appeal as more than just about her looks: "It's that feeling you get when you suddenly realize that the smartest, funniest, coolest girl you know also happens to be the best looking and a pretty good skateboarder, too." I’ve had moments like that before, trust me, but the thing is…I don’t know that’s who Katy Perry is; I have to trust what the magazine tells me. All I really know of Katy Perry is a couple of toe tapping songs and a Proactiv acne solution commercial.

So how can I find her “hot”? I was watching The Office the other night and it was the episode where they were trying to decide if Hilary Swank was hot or not. They divided into factions based on how they perceived hotness and argued all day about it. They remained at a stalemate until Michael walked in, asked what was going on, and summarily declared her hot. It’s all in perception. For instance…Zoe Saldana, who placed third this year after Katy Perry and Brooklyn Decker, respectively, would not fall in my top ten. She may not fall in my top twenty or thirty. The magazine describes her as “scorchingly sexy” though I see it as more of a fizzle. That’s just me; I don’t find her “hot”. In fact, every year I go through the Maxim Hot 100 and pick out ten or more who don’t really fit in my “hot” category. So to be definitive, like for example the dictionary (which carries definitions), something should not be arguable. So Maxim’s claim of “the definitive list of the world’s most beautiful women” should be changed to the “arguable list of the world’s most beautiful women”. I will posit this for your consideration…I draw a difference between “hot” and “beautiful”. Beautiful contains all those intangible qualities that draw you to people. A beautiful woman will stimulate your intellect as well as your loins (see Coming to America). A hot woman, a hot chick, to me is that physical attractiveness that draws your eyes but may not draw anything else. You lust for hot woman…you fall in love with beautiful woman. To me, there is a huge difference.

Back to the list…last year's winner, "House's" Olivia Wilde, placed 20th on this year's list, which includes newcomers like "Modern Family's" Sofia Vergara (#47) and Ke$ha (#56, I believe it is pronounced Ke-dollar sign-ha), as well as regulars like Britney Spears (#54), Scarlett Johansson (#14), and Angelina Jolie (#38). Here are the ladies who round out this year's Top 10, and what Maxim had to say about their attributes (my comments, if any, will be in parenthesis):
1. Katy Perry: "[She's] the hottest woman alive because she's sexy and because she's talented. But more important, because she's the best friend you suddenly realize you've loved your whole life." (Attractive, yes, but perhaps I will get to know her first before we call each other “best friends”)
2. Brooklyn Decker: This model and 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model is married to tennis star Andy Roddick. Says Maxim: "We think it's time to crown a new world supermodel...Let's go, Brooklyn!" (Sure, pick the reportedly flawless white chick as the new world supermodel…racist)
3. Zoe Saldana: "The scorchingly sexy "Avatar" star had dudes the world over learning to say 'Damn, she's hot,' in perfect Na'vi." (I didn’t see that damn movie and don’t have any desire to learn a fake language)
4. Blake Lively: "Gossip Girl's breakout bombshell was destined for stardom. Born in LA, she started acting at 11 and grew into the ultimate California girl." (I know little of her except the few shots I see in the Gossip Girl commercials that are on during The Simpsons)
5. Megan Fox: "A sex symbol for the ages, Megan's sultry looks hit every red-blooded guy right in the gut." (I’ve been gut-punched before and what I feel when I see Megan Fox feels nothing like that and occurs somewhere south of my gut)
6. Rihanna: "This Barbadian beauty hit a rough patch last year, but after her fourth album went platinum, she proved she can fight back, hard. Please don't stop the music." (Her hair always looks so ridiculous I don’t know what to say about the rest of her)
7. Elisabetta Canalis: The Italian TV presenter is best known in the States for dating George Clooney. Says Maxim: "Whether or not she's still George Clooney's girlfriend, this bellissima Italian will always have a place in our hearts." (I’m not short on love for beautiful Italian women, especially if they can cook)
8. Olivia Munn: This model and actress is best known for hosting G4's nerdfest "Attack of the Show!" She first made Maxim's list in 2008 at No. 99. Maxim adds: "She sure doesn't look like any tech geeks we know." (She’d move up on my list…she’s funny, smart, and looks pretty good dressed up as Wonder Woman)
9. Kim Kardashian: "Keep your eyes glued to Kim's Twitter page, where the recently single reality goddess is known to post sexy bikini shots of herself. Thank you, modern technology!" (She would not have made my list on the simple fact that her relevance to any part of daily life is nonexistent…what a waste of a top ten spot)
10. Marisa Miller: The Victoria's Secret Angel held the top spot on Maxim's list in 2008, and the editors seem to think her hotness is making a comeback: "All hail the return of the great American supermodel!" (Much like Brooklyn, it is hard to find a bad picture of her, but does that really mean she deserves to be on any list?)