Last Man Standing Rides Again

Opening Day this year was quite strange. So much has changed among our group…except for me. Josh and Fernando have babies, Jon is married, and I…I…I’m not working. Not that big of a change compared to starting families or getting married. Years ago when Jon, Fern, and I made the last man standing wager, I never thought about how strange it would be to be the last man standing. You see, at one point when all three of us were not dating, about the same time we came up with our days of the week, we got on this discussion of who would be married first. Fern and I thought Jon would be married first and Jon that I would be married first. In fact we all disagreed as to how the progression of us getting married would go. In light of settling the debate we made a gentlemanly wager…the first man to wed would pay the other two $100 a piece, the second man to marry would pay the other two $50 each, and whoever remained need not pay anything. It came out that the last man standing would make $150, the second would break even, and the third would lose $150, when speaking of final standing after gains and losses. We believed that this would be fair and ensure that being first to wed carried penalty while being the last man standing would be beneficial. After making it this far, squandering the money that I made off the little endeavor, I feel somehow that I have gained nothing more than a title. In fact, being the last man standing requires much more of you than taking money to the bank. I’ve now become somewhat of the Zen master straddling the two worlds of a single man and a married one.

The last man standing has many responsibilities that be is depended on for, one of which is being open to being lived vicariously through. I am the last of the three best friends that made this bet those many years ago, and hence I am an empty vessel to put hopes, dreams, and desires into. For instance, the wives of my friends would like to see me settle down and have a girlfriend or wife that would facilitate couple’s date nights. I know this because Jon and Bekah have gone so far as to use me and one of her single friends as their “married couple” to hang out with. It doesn’t happen often, but I see how Bekah wants for me to have someone I’m with so that they in turn can have a couple to be with. It’s not for a lack of wanting to have someone in my life, far from that, but more of desire to acquire someone in due time. On the flip side, the husbands want to live vicariously through me. When we were at Opening Day my brother, Jon and Fern all kept pointing women out for me to run after. “There’s one right there, run over there and offer her a beer!” I don’t do that, necessarily. I am not one to run after random women in public locations unless completely compelled to. I did see many beautiful options out there, don’t get me wrong. However it was men’s day out, so why would I be chasing women while my married friends stood back and watched?

That leads me to another one of the situations that being the last man standing brings upon me…keeper of the trust. Any man knows that he can count on his buddies to back their play. Secrets come and secrets go, but true friends create anchors for those secrets to be hidden and retrieved at will. Also, having stood as best man at all three of their sides, it is my duty as having bore witness to their unions to help maintain those unions. If that means keeping secrets, then of course I am obliged. If that means reminding a wondering eye of the love he has at home, of course I will do that. If that means babysitting so that a couple can have some time to go and be a couple, then I am there. It is having this single lifestyle that rarely conflicts with the duties I place on myself. This doesn’t mean that I would give up my post either, if I were to take to a relationship. It is not just being the last man standing that keeps me on course with my perceived responsibility to my friends, but also the fact that I am older than them. I often think of Jon and Fern as the younger brothers I never had.

I do many things in the role of the last man standing but one is required more often than others. I have to be a sounding board for their problems/concerns/questions. It is perhaps the most difficult part of being a friend, but I try like hell to be damn good at it. I experience this more and more with Jon than I did with Fern. He will seek my sage-like wisdom from time to time with quandaries in both his relationship and his life. I have done as much as I can to help him work through those things, but that brings me to my point. As the last man standing, I have to have knowledge of relationships, both emotional and physical, babies, and all manner of topics ranging from cooking to vacation locations. Luckily, I have an older brother who has taught me many of those things. I have been through two or three serious relationships that caused me to learn through experience. And having dedicated the past several years to school, I have an immense knowledge of, well, business, which doesn’t help relationships much. Well, bargaining, partnerships, and hostile takeovers can be themes of relationships, so maybe my book learning doesn’t go to waste too much in this position.

So you see, I am called on to be there for my friends and even though it becomes harder and harder to relate as they grow in their marriages, we still have some many things in common and depend on each other greatly. It is hard to believe so long ago that we made a bet about who would marry first because it seems so stupid now. But, it is shaping the future and how my life has been since then. And I am happy with that.