Confessions of a Wannabe Truck Driver

Alright…so I spent a splendid weekend in Missouri. All of you out there are now thinking, “how do you have a splendid weekend in Missouri?” Well, first of all, you have to realize how long you’ve been in your home town without leaving it. This should depress you enough to make you want to leave town and go anywhere…it won’t matter where, just anywhere. Then you have to weigh your options of where to go. Financially, the places you absolutely want to go will probably be out of your reach. Let’s say I wanted to go to Hawaii…I can’t afford to go to Hawaii and pay my bills for the month. So you whittle it down to where you can go. Finally, you wait for a friend to ask you to go with them to said place. Once you have the backup of someone going with you, you are set. You are away from your home town, not spending yourself poor, and with a friend(s)…splendid.

Seriously, I went with my best friend Jon and his wife to Missouri to see his little brother play some college football. Let me see if I can some it up in a few sentences. It was an eight and a half hour drive and we took my increasingly unreliable truck (smart). We stayed in the Quality Inn which is not as bad as it sounds, but not much better than you think. My room was relatively nice…apparently Jon and Bekah’s was not. We went to dinner at a not terribly good, but terribly bad Mexican restaurant (you don’t realize how good you have it living in the melting pot of Texas until you dine out in other states). Got to see Jon’s little brother’s place, which was awfully nice. Got up the next day and had the free continental breakfast. Went to the college bookstore to get some game day gear, which was interesting but not terribly noteworthy. The game was not great (they lost), but it was fun to see unpretentious college football. The weather was weird, but nothing that couldn’t be handled. We had a little tailgate after the game. Then we went over to Michael’s for game night and a night cap. Other points of interest: we went to Wal-Mart twice while we were there; I had a mini-fridge in my room that served to keep the beer cold for a day; Missouri is actually a really pretty state; my truck made it all the way there and back without incident.

Ok, now what you really come to my blog for…pointless interesting thoughts from me. I realized something while making the entire drive there and back myself. I didn’t have to; it was more of a choice than a requirement. I didn’t want Jon to drive my truck (I really don’t like anyone driving my truck but me). And, when Jon and I made the trip to ATL earlier this summer, he drove the whole way there and back, so I was repaying him for his diligence with my own. All of that is not what I realized, though. I realized that if I would have had less ambition in life (or more, depending on how you look at it) I could have been a truck driver. Being behind the wheel for hours at end doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t have a regular sleep schedule (or a sleep schedule at all). I kept thinking the whole time driving there that I would have loved to have a CB radio. I mean, truck driving would be the way to go, if I hadn’t spent so much money on a college education. Jon even pointed out a couple of truck driving schools and companies with “drivers wanted” signs out front. I just don’t know if the trucker lifestyle would work for me in the long haul (pun).

Another thing that struck me during this epic drive was the obtuse amount of adult video stores along the interstate in Missouri. Interstate 44, which runs the length of Missouri across the southern portion, has a section running from Springfield to St. Louis called “Main Street U.S.A.” This sounds quaint and fun doesn’t it? It gained this claim to fame because it is the part of I-44 that runs almost parallel to Route 66. It is an amazing drive through the foothills of Missouri passing nice little towns with lots of tourist traps. Well, apparently “Main Street U.S.A.” has porn stores every 50 miles. These range from broken down shack type places to the more swanky joints with 24-7 video arcades (if I have to explain what an arcade in an adult video store is, then you don’t need to know). This wasn’t as astonishing as the fact that once “Main Street U.S.A.” ends going west on I-44 past Springfield there are adult video stores every ten miles. Really, how many adult video stores do you need on one piece of interstate? I guess if I was a truck driver, I would know.

Punctuality, Cleanliness, and Straight Shots

Ugh! You may have noticed that I didn’t write a blog earlier this week as I have made customary over the past few months. I had a pretty busy and sleepless weekend due in small part to my own negligence for my health and in a larger part to what a friend termed “female persuasion.” Regardless of what any of that means, I am finally back to a semi-normal schedule though I have developed somewhat of a head cold. Nothing serious, but it is just a bit annoying. Seriously folks, have you ever had that congestion that only blocks one nostril at a time? It is like a little war happening right on your face. One side wins out and can breathe clearly while the other is stuck clogged with the aftermath. Then there is a coup and the nostril that had been the victor is now the defeated. This goes on back and forth all day until peace negotiations happen through the softness of facial tissue or the rest of the body commits to a police action with the use of pharmaceuticals. We are at peace now because the drugs have kicked in, but those are due to run out in about an hour, and I’m still in class for three more hours. The war will continue.

Aside from that, I had a pretty darn good weekend. It was full of fun with friends and libations, which led to the exhausted feeling (and perhaps illness) that I felt on Tuesday. I got to polish off 22 beers with my friend on Wednesday, had pizza with my professor on Thursday, celebrated a friend’s birthday on Friday (and mourned the defeat of my ‘Stangs), reconnected with an old friend on Saturday, saw my best friend on Sunday, and went to the state fair on Monday. Interlaced with those events were other occasions that took up a great deal of my time and drinking ability. But, I made it through and I am here, back on an even keel now. I am looking forward to a trip out of town this weekend which will introduce me to the wonderful world of Missouri and reacquaint me with the glory of Division II college football. It should be amazing, and I’ll definitely blog about it next week, but until then you will have to make do with my random thoughts.

As I was rushing to class tonight, running late (well, late for me, but on time for others), I started to think about how punctuality has become a pet peeve of mine over the years. If you work jobs in the traditional sense where your boss is usually standing right inside the door when you get there, then you come to appreciate the importance of being on time. It is not the flexible cubicle dwelling lifestyle where you are expected to be there the majority of the day, but being a few minutes late is no big deal. It is more like if you aren’t hear on time I will mark it in my book and when you have three marks in my book you are terminated. So I always try to be early. When I can’t be early, I get a little miffed. Today was nothing of my doing necessarily. My dad called me an hour before class and asked if I could run by their house to feed the dogs. This is not a normal situation because usually either my mom or dad is home in the morning or evening to feed them. But, tonight my dad was working late (driving the school bus for some volleyball games) and my mom is out of town. So, I had to drive all the way across Dallas County in rush hour traffic to feed the dogs and then halfway back to get to campus. Needless to say, I was pissed…but my parents raised a good kid, so I did what was asked. Plus, I love our dogs too much to have them suffer through going on ten hours without food or a bathroom break.

Since I was thinking about pet peeves I tried to come up with any others that I have. If you read my last blog then you could probably guess that one of them is hygiene. I can’t stand people who don’t try to take care of their personal hygiene. We live in America, where the luxury of being able to bathe every day is almost a given. There’s no reason why you should be going out into public without at least washing your hands and face. I know I have days where I skip a shower just because I’m being lazy, but I usually am not leaving the house or having guests, so the only person who has to deal with my level of cleanliness or dirtiness is me. I’m just saying, we live in a society where bathing is considered a courtesy to those around you. Now I study international business and I know there are countries and regions where bathing every day would be seen as opulence. These places I understand completely and do not hold my pet peeve nonsense to. In fact it reminds me that I have the privilege of being able to bathe and makes me want to go take a shower right now just because I can.

Another pet peeve I thought of is fruity shots. I can’t stand the idea of shots being anything other than straight alcohol of one type. A shot of whiskey, a shot of tequila, a shot of vodka…these are easy to order, sometimes hard to drink, and get you hammered faster than if you mix fruit juice with them. I was out at a bar Sunday night with a lady friend and the people next to us were ordering shot after shot of some sort of green liquid. I can’t remember the name of what they ordered, but there two girls and TWO GUYS were downing these shots like crazy (never mind the fact that it was a Sunday night and they were throwing back shots). I just don’t see the appeal. Doesn’t mean I won’t drink a fruity shot though. My buddy Jon worked at a bar on lower Greenville in Dallas for about a year and I became a regular there. There was a bartender there who made mystery shots (I won’t say her name, but if she is reading this she knows who she is). The place was usually not that busy so she could screw around behind the bar a lot and experiment with making various combinations. She never came up with something that wasn’t palatable, but they were always spiked with some sort of fruit juice just in case the liquors she chose didn’t mesh so well. I miss those mystery shots, but if she ever asked me to order a shot I always said, “Give me a shot of bourbon.”

Civilized social graces means "take a bath"

Almost every man I know would agree with me on this…if we didn’t have to try to be clean and look good, we wouldn’t. If there wasn’t a basic societal pressure to not be offensive both visually and to the nostrils, men would still be slightly more than cavemen. This is where the live of the bachelor can be quite different than that of the non-bachelor. I am faced every day with the daunting task of personal grooming to impress. I know this for a fact from my married friends. Once you begin cohabitation in the bonds of matrimony, the need to impress more than one person who is already impressed with you seems to slip away. But, as a bachelor, you never know when you are going to come across that potential lady friend and looking like you just came out of a two week expedition in the bush is not the best start. I’m just saying, when I know I’m going to be coming across new people, potentially new and attractive women, I do everything I can to make an impression.

Why am I talking about this? There are two good reasons. The first one is concerning something I experienced last night. My global marketing professor is one of the nicest, funniest, and strangest guys in the world. We had our midterm exam last night and after every midterm in every class he teaches he takes the whole class out for a pizza dinner. So I went to the pizza dinner last night after the exam and of course I had a good time because I have really close friends in that class and like I said, the prof is a trip. We were sitting there, eating pizza, drinking beer, and shooting bull about jobs and relationships when in walks this tall, attractive woman who makes a bee line for our table. Apparently, this tall drink of water is in our class! How did I not know this? Well, tall women are my kryptonite and I was on the verge of making a move until I realized that I looked like hell. I have a two week beard, haven’t shaved my head, and was nursing a serious hangover…not impressive or sexy. I missed an opportunity to break the ice right there.

The second reason I am talking about this is that I have a new opportunity tonight. A close friend from high school who I reconnected with at my reunion is having a birthday dinner tonight. I know what those of you who know me personally are thinking…it’s TCU-SMU tonight, the Battle of the Iron Skillet, why is he going to a birthday dinner? Well, I’m TiVo-ing the game, so don’t tell me anything about it, but I care about my friends. If you’re one of my friends, you know that I go out of my way to be there for people who are important to me. Also, this is an opportunity to expand my horizons a little. The birthday girl has different sets of friends that I am not a part of. New people, new women to be introduced to is a great proposition. This means the operation to grow the beard out for Halloween is going to hit a snag. I am shaving it off tonight to be presentable. But, I will go back to the beard growing tomorrow.

The point I am trying to make is that personal grooming is an important part of the bachelor lifestyle. I go through several rituals to prepare myself for being out among the potential lady friends. As you may have seen, heard, or read about, I am voluntarily bald. I shave my head to reduce the shock of seeing a man in his twenties with thinning hair. Well, it isn’t the easiest thing in the world (I have a new appreciation for women who shave their legs regularly). I shave my head every other day. Since I’ve got the razor out, I usually shave my face on those days too. I have a time tested and well planned out combination of fragrances and deodorants and antiperspirants that keep me comfortable and feeling fresh. I always brush before leaving the house. Clean teeth and fresh breathe are endlessly important. I almost always have a shirt on that has a collar. It means that I look slightly more polished than the other guy who is wearing an Affliction shirt or whatever most douchebags are wearing these days, but still casual.

Appearance is everything to a bachelor. The nice car, clean and organized house, and personal appearance are all staples of the bachelor life. This is what I have learned over the years (especially recently). So I take things seriously when it comes to making the right impression through personal hygiene. Sure, it seems shallow, and it is…but in an open market (the dating world) the company with the most visible/tangible assets is going to attract investors (sorry, I’m watching Wall Street right now). Now, I’m not necessarily trying to find someone right now, but it never hurts to be prepared. And that’s all grooming is…preparation for being out among civilized company.

The New Me, I Mean Blog, New Blog

I’m going a new direction with the blog. Sorry to all of you who are deeply in love with the current format (all two of you). I enjoy writing about what I usually write about (religion, sports, and randomness) and I still will write about those things, but I feel like a blog should be more personal. I have felt my interest in blogging waning over the past few months and a change is definitely needed. A friend suggested that I blog about my experiences as a bachelor. You know, how awesome I am, how I handle things, etc. I trust this friend even though we have only really become close over the past two months (and she doesn’t live in the state). So, after much consideration and even more beer, I came to the conclusion that this is what I need to do. I am a rare thing among my friends, the bachelor. Even rarer still, I am the bachelor in his late twenties. I have been living the life over the past seven or eight years, but I have not really embraced my bachelorness until the past few weeks. It took God putting something in front of me and then swiftly taking it away for me to realize how much I needed to learn and experience on my own. So, this starts a new chapter for The Elder Statesman…blunt, honest talk about myself. Here it goes.

I had this really long blog written about how I use nicknames with my friends, but that doesn’t seem to do the idea of a new direction justice. Sure, it was funny and insightful like most of my writing, but it didn’t seem to make a point. It was more or less just rambling about how I use pet names and nicknames with my friends more than their own names. As I was driving home from my parents’ house tonight I came to the conclusion that I would talk about something more near and dear to my heart…Halloween costumes. As a kid we always had nice and relevant costumes. One year I was a Ghostbuster and I had the jumpsuit, the proton pack (the authentic toy one, not one I came up with myself), and realistic nametags. I looked good, if I do say so myself. Ever since then, if I have put on a costume, I have gone all out. A couple years ago I was a firefighter and I used my brother’s old bunker pants from when he was in training, an EMT shirt I had, and real rubber boots. I pulled it off so well that a friend driving up actually thought I was a real fireman. So, this year, with the potential for two Halloween parties to go to, I have been racking my brain to come up with something.

It was an epiphany, of sorts. I am the elder statesman of my friends. I am a bachelor. I have amazing skills and hidden talents that inspire awe from those who know me and those who don’t. Who could I be that would fit my personality and make a statement. The Dude from The Big Lebowski? Naw, I’ve got things together way more than he does. George Washington? I might be able to pull off the impressive revolutionary war uniform, but the powder wig, not so much. Humphrey Bogart? I admit, a white dinner jacket is classy as hell, but who else my age knows anything about Bogie. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…I can be The Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials! I can easily pull that off. Grow out the beard, get me some hair (by that, I mean a wig), and the rest of it is just a six pack of Dos Equis and a suit. Awesome! I mean, I am already a graduate of The Most Interesting Academy (http://dosequis.com/academy/) and I am well versed on the man, the myth, the legend that is The Most Interesting Man in the World. This will be great!

How could I not pull this off? I am a bachelor and it’s pretty obvious that The Most Interesting Man in the World is as well. How else could be pal around with the bevy of beauties you always see him with in the commercials? A wild, untamed man like him would not have been tied down into marriage (not that I don’t want to get married, I do, but just not yet). I am skilled at a variety of useful (and some not useful) crafts. In The Academy we call this The Eclectic Arts. And if you know anything about The Most Interesting Man in the World, you know that he is quite skilled. I draw the attention, respect, and honor of those around me (seriously, I not conceited, I’m just one of those people). People look to me for strength and guidance, which I happily give. The Most Interesting Man in the World is the same way. People are drawn to him, they want to know him, and they respect what he says. Truthishly, I am the most interesting man in the world (or at least in my world). So look forward to Halloween weekend when you will definitely see pictures of me posted on facebook in my costume. How will you tell it is me? I will be the one you won’t be able to stop looking at…because I am that interesting.

Not the Iron Chef...More like the Tin Foil Chef

I blew it last week. I’d been promising myself I would cook a good meal. Since my standard dinner lately has been a plate of nachos and a couple of spoons of peanut butter. I figured it was high time to cook a proper meal. It started well: I snagged a fancy pasta recipe off the internet and raced through the grocery store after class loading up on ingredients I had no business buying: sun-dried tomatoes soaking in tubs of yellow oil, artichoke hearts squeezed into tiny square jars, and a big bottle of dry white cooking wine for simmering the sauce. Then I came home and made a huge mess.

First, I didn’t have butter so I tossed the chopped onions into some lukewarm olive oil. Then after I realized I forgot to buy garlic I dumped the whole bottle of artichokes in to make up for it, figuring they were related somewhere way back in their vegetable family tree (I know better than that, but when you start cooking and don’t have what you need, sometimes you improvise). Unfortunately, while trying to get the onions frying I dissolved those artichokes to mush. My grip on dinner was slipping so I tried saving the day with half a bottle of white wine before letting the whole thing simmer for ten minutes. Smiling and satisfied, I washed my hands and scooped a bed of steamy pasta onto a dinner plate before pouring a generous amount of my sauce on.

Well, guess what?
It was disgusting.

The onions were somehow raw and burnt (if you’ve cooked before, you know this feat is hard to accomplish), the artichokes were long gone, and the booze hadn’t simmered off so the entire thing tasted like hot wine. I got up to check the recipe and noticed I’d forgotten to put water in during the important final stage and somehow replaced it with triple the amount of wine. It was a terrible meal and I choked it back through a forced smile and hot tears. A half bottle of Parmesan cheese and a loaf of bread were also called in to help. It was a sad day but I really do hope that one day I get to experience the joy of cooking something new and having everyone like it.
This is not something I have no experience at. I have been cooking successfully for many years now. I can make lasagna from scratch with the noodles you have to cook first (not the cheater, cook while they bake ones). I can make a pretty good chicken noodle soup (so I’ve been told). I am a grilling champion the likes of Bobby Flay. And I have a mean prowess when it comes to baking a firm, but moist, cake. So I know what it looks like when people enjoy your culinary creations. I can see it now.

After flipping through cookbooks and strolling through aisles I get a sneaky twinkle in my eye as I race home ready to whip up a storm. Next I grab my trusty “cooking towel” (a multipurpose towel I use while cooking), throw on a cap to hold back the sweat, and preheat that oven. After spinning like the Tasmanian Devil for a couple hours everyone finally comes over and samples my big meal.

“Ohhhh…” they say softly “Wow, this is delicious! What is this?”
“Oh … just some experimenting,” I smile back shyly, shrugging my shoulders. “It was so easy, honestly.”

But they won’t stop. None of them will. A round of applause starts as I get up to start cleaning the kitchen. They want the recipe, they want the leftovers, they want me to cater their upcoming dinner parties…I am chef galore. This, of course, has never really happened. I do get compliments, though. I make a darn good turkey gravy at Thanksgiving. I can make just about any casserole from memory (my folks are from the Midwest, home of the casserole). But, on those rare occasions where I screw up, it reminds me how good I should be. I never make the same mistakes twice and I’ve never made a bad meal two times in a row.

The Babaganoush Sports Beat

Texas Rangers
Tonight, the Rangers open up a series with the Detroit Tigers. Two days from now the Rangers will have an off day before heading to Seattle. They will play the Mariners, Angels, and A's before coming home (likely as AL West Champions) to play the Mariners and a season finale season series with the Angels. That means two things. HOLY COW THE SEASON IS ALMOST OVER and HOLY COW THE RANGERS WON'T PLAY ANOTHER NON-AL WEST TEAM AGAIN UNTIL THE PLAYOFFS AND THEN NOT AGAIN UNTIL 2011. I think about this season and it seems like it has flown by but then I think about things like the McGriddles game in Cleveland and it seems like a lifetime ago. I mean, Matt Harrison was in the rotation then. Ryan Garko was the starting first baseman that day. Cliff Lee was still a couple of weeks away from debuting in Seattle. Justin Smoak was still a week away from debuting in Texas. His debut? April 23rd at the Ballpark against Detroit of course.

It's been a long, strange, weird, awesome, draining, amazing, confusing, sexy, and hilarious season. And it's weird that this meaningless, except for Magic Number watching, series feels like such a milestone. No more AL Central and no more AL East. After Wednesday, the Rangers head out west and the next time they face a team from outside their division it will be the first time they've done so in a little thing we call MLB Postseason since 1999. It feels like reality is getting ready to sink in.

SMU Mustangs Football
Zach Line rushed for 122 yards and two touchdowns to lead SMU to a 28-7 victory against UAB on Saturday night. Line, recruited to SMU as a linebacker, moved to offense and was the team's goal-line rushing specialist last year, scoring seven TDs. The 235-pound sophomore won the starting running back job in the preseason.

Darius Johnson caught two touchdown passes from Kyle Padron as the Mustangs (1-1, 1-0 Conference USA) beat the Blazers (0-2, 0-1) for the fourth time in as many meetings since the schools became league rivals in 2005. Johnson had seven receptions for 45 yards.

David Isabelle threw a 4-yard TD pass to Mike Jones for UAB's only score.

Dallas Cowboys
For some, it is time to move on. For others, the bad taste that came with the 13-7 loss to the Redskins hasn't dissolved just yet. Players such as Keith Brooking and Marcus Spears talked about the disappointment of losing a game in the final seconds, especially when it virtually came down to a pair of plays at the end of each half. For rehashing sake, the two plays in reference were Tashard Choice's fumble on the last play of the first half when it seemed the Cowboys should've just kneeled on the ball and gone into halftime with a 3-0 deficit. Instead, a Hail Mary from their own 34 was called, resulting in a dump-off pass to Choice, who fumbled and it was returned for a touchdown. Secondly, with the Cowboys looking for the go-ahead win in the final seconds, trailing by six, an apparent game-tying touchdown pass from Tony Romo to Roy Williams was nullified by a holding penalty on Alex Barron, the third of the game for the Cowboys' right tackle.

Coach Wade Phillips refused to single out any player or coach on the final player, and didn't say whether Barron was supposed to have blocking help on the right side against Washington pass-rusher Brian Orakpo. Barron, who didn't speak to reporters after the game Sunday or in Monday's open locker room period, did apologize to Williams after the game, according to the receiver. While Barron apologized to Williams, whose game-winning touchdown certainly would've gone a long way to restoring the confidence of a Cowboys' fan base that has ridiculed the wide receiver, another culprit from Sunday's loss faced the music with reporters as well.
Admitting that he's constantly trying to make a play, Choice took the blame for his second-quarter fumble, the first of his career. Choice said he received a lot of support from his coaches and teammates about the play, and said the fact he got more carries in the second half was also encouraging.

However, more than Choice, taking most of the blame for that play was Phillips, who said he should've been more assertive in telling offensive coordinator Jason Garrett to call a more conservative play with just four seconds left on the clock. The play before the fumble, Barron was called for a holding penalty, pushing the ball back to the Cowboys' 36. Before the play, the Cowboys were prepared to throw a Hail Mary into the end zone.

The Mysterious Trinity

The language of three persons points to a mystery of distinction that nevertheless abides in relationship at the heart of the one God. God is not a singleness but a communion—a living fecundity of relational life. For God, to be is to be in relation—this is the primary divine characteristic of God. Yet, even these powerful words are not to be taken literally. As St. Augustine reminds us, "the formula 'three persons' was coined not in order to give a complete explanation by means of it but in order that we might not be obliged to remain silent." Fundamentally, speech about the Trinity needs to go hand in hand with knowing that we do not totally understand. Quite simply, to say that the persons are three is to negate solitariness, thus affirming relationality at the heart of God.

Although the images of Father, Son and Spirit are rooted in Scripture, liturgy and traditional use, they are not necessarily the only imagery in which the triune symbol can be expressed. The Scriptures themselves speak about the triune God in the economy of salvation in cosmic images such as light, fire and water, and theology today quests mightily for other articulations. Whatever the categories used, the three's keep circling round. Always there is reflected a livingness in God; a beyond, a with and a within to the world and its history; a sense of God as from whom, by whom and in whom all things exist, thrive, struggle toward freedom and are gathered in.

The biblical doctrine of the Trinity, bound to the experience of salvation in Jesus and freed from literal interpretations, has the power to call forth loving relationship in our community and in the world. It does so positively, by inspiring efforts to create a community of sisters and brothers interwoven with the whole web of earth's life according to the ideal community that the Trinity models. It does so negatively, by prophetically challenging social and ecological injustices that distort such a community. And it does so by the power of grace, the trinitarian mystery of God actually empowering relationships of mutuality, equality and inclusiveness among persons and between human beings and the earth.

The goal of all creation is to participate in the trinitarian mystery of love. The Church is called to be a sacrament making this love visible and effective in the world. Wherever the human heart is healed, justice is done, peace holds sway, liberation breaks through, the earth flourishes…wherever sin abounding is embraced by grace super-abounding…there the human and earth community already reflect, in fragments, the visage of the trinitarian God.